when negativity slides.....
Piercing sunshine dint allow me to sleep more. Numb mind was trying to widen my eye lid. I dint .Still gloomed, trying to cover my eyes .Uh! Something bit me.
What is this? Ants!!!! Shit. Finally had to open my eyes and face the heat.
Oh my God! Where I am? Sleeping on the foot path! Did I booze so much yesterday?
My friend yash, “ Saale bill pay kiya ki nahi?” I mourned myself. I was alone sprawling on the foot path. Shocked, quickly got up.
Tea waala was gazing at me; I smiled to him and asked
“What is the Time?”
Yash wanted me to drop till my home. I refused. I dint know that I will sleep here like a carcass. It’s already late to my work. My home is not so far from here just 2 stops away.
Thank God I had slept near bus stop and not on the road. Good ‘Negi’ (I call myself as ‘Negi’ – as I will be always in the negative pool) you saved yourself last night. Hmmm See’s like 201 is coming, I will go in this bus.
Yash had given party yesterday for his first job in call centre. After long time we met together for his happiness. He was the only friend left. Well how can a black sheep have more true friends (‘Negi’ zoomed)? Conductor shouted at me,
“Yellige?” (Asking where) I told next stop. I slipped my hands in my pocket searching for my wallet,
Uh! I lost it? Looked back his face tensed, he was craving for the money which won’t be accounted for government for sure. I said “Purse mart hoytu”(forgot my purse). He immediately throttled me and pushed away from the slow moving bus.
Man! Well it is not your fault. It is all Negi’s. Though you could allow me till next stop, you won’t. As my ‘Negi’ will cover at each point of my life.
When she could dump me and move on then why not you man? One similarity is that , whenever someone had left me “I never had my wallet”!. Hmmm. As usual ill convince with my ‘Negi’s’ words and be quite. To be frank it feels great when we realize that “God has always a better option to our loved ones.”! But inadmissible fact is that we try to be that better option. :D
‘Negi’ laughed; surprised by my sense of humor which was lost long back when I started my unemployment carrier. When BE graduates roam with me searching jobs then why not a BA candidate? See this is how ‘Negi’ will support me when I am depressed. I knew my degree won’t make my bread. I was desperate to do business, dreaming to become boss. But, how could I ask my mom, who was struggling just to feed me? I would never expect anything more from a widow.
Today I was suppose to go for an interview,’sales executive’ post in one of the MNC.
It is already 10:25; by the time I reach there it will be late. May be security guard won’t allow me inside, Negi advised me. As I had already lost my hopes and confidence long back, no wonder he advised as so. Yash called me,
“Kaha pe ho” ?
I lied – “Ghar mein” (Though I was still walking to my home). I had lost honesty long back. Honesty was supposed to be my image early days. Now I change myself as per situation. People call it as manipulation for ones benefit. Negi took it as substantial evidence and masked my honesty.
I dint want him to know anything about my stay last night. He continued, asking me to forward my CV to him. He wanted me to join his call centre along with him. He believed that, even I could get in. Well, only one thing which I can exalt about myself is communication skills, which I had used to goof many people nowadays. Especially those, who lend me some money keeping my honest image as security deposit.
For the first time ‘Negi’ was quite. Surprisingly ‘Negi’ thought he will make it there. Till how long will GOD make me to wander around? I forwarded my CV to Yash through nearby internet centre. I knew the owner, who was kind enough each time, without asking me anything would let me in. I think I am taking advantage of his goodness. Each time deceived him for not paying the money.
I dint know why I was hoping to get in there.
Like all, think little negatively in their positive approach, me for the first time thought positive in my negative world. I was referring the term belief after long time. Waited for a chance to prove myself, tough time had taken me to the verge of my life.
I got a call from them. They want to see my communication skill. Finally, I think I will make it. Thank you my friend. You don’t know what you did for me, I stated myself. This time ‘Negi’ dint speak anything.
This should be a positive omen; I tried to bolster myself through regaining the lost hopes. Started to review my CV, though it dint had anything to showcase, still had to cook something. I should give my best, I am not so dull, but still evaluators go with my marks.
On that day had to shave and dress properly. Took my marks sheet and said this is my last attempt. Do or die. Marks card turned its face other side, as if it was not feeling my pain. Let me get a job, First thing is to take a nice file for you. I have to take care of my mother. Poor lady struggled a lot in her life. I pleaded to GOD, Please Please…this is my last attempt please….otherwise… I will….. Uh! Nope ‘Negi’ nope.
I cleared first round. It was my routine in most of the interviews. But the moment when it was face to face, couldn’t face it. Words were swallowed unknowingly. Fear of losing was so much piled on me to such an extent that all my communication skills went as a puff. I had no clue, what’s happening now. I just gazed his face, after introduction of mine. I again shivered. I think he noticed me. He asked me some general questions, I dint know what I answered to him. Interviewer questioned me,
“What were you doing after studies? “
I thought to say that I was searching job for almost one year!, how can I? I kept quite. He asked me about my hobbies, I stammered.
“Thanks for your valuable time”. I asked “What?”
He smiled and said we will let you know in a while. Please be seated out. My “Negi” smiled inside. I understood the reason behind “my negis” silence in last 1 day. I seated back. Many candidates were waiting for their chance. One was eager to know about the questions and asked me, “What did he ask Mrrrrrrr…” I was unable to hear him completely though he was sitting next to me. All the images were blurred. He queried again, I was just looking at him.
After some time, HR came out and started to announce the candidate’s name. One by one. X, y, z…..he dint call my name! I felt like I am not just done with this interview, also with my life. I am fit for nothing. No wonder why I lose everything. I started to walk back with the numb mind and heavy heart. I felt nothing left, not even my only support “Negi” started to rain. I cried and sat on the foot path. I dint know what to do. What I could clearly see was just the moving vehicles. I lost my consciousness for a moment. I was about to walk on that murderous road without my sense….
Suddenly my phone rung and I was back. I said Hello,
“Is it Mr. Niranjan? “(Negi) I said “yes”.
You are selected for our ad-agency as a design specialist, kindly come to our office and complete the formalities. This time HR words were clear to me. I doubted it as a prank, but nope. HR was professional in her communication. How can this be possible? Is that a cross communication? I asked her, when did the interview happen? She replied,
“Mr. Niranjan we had organized a painting competition in which your sketch has appealed the most from others. It is very different and unique. We really appreciate your talent and offer you a position here. We got your number from your friend Yash who had sent the entry for it along with your qualification, if you are interested then kindly come and work with us ASAP”. Oh!
My eyes filled again, this time due to over joy. I remembered that long back I had gifted my paint to my friend on his birthday. Finally I dint end, it was just a start. The darkest phase of my life turned to move towards hope. A ray of light blessed my dark life.
“Negi” where are you? No answer from him. I succeeded after losing much. I think loss and gain is the 2 equal opposite faces of a single coin. I ran towards the office and collected my offer letter. Euphoria was un- expressible. I just went home and hugged my mom. I could see the happiness in her through her eyes. This was the moment which I was waiting from long time.
I started to work. No wonder why I was famous there. All my experience and pain had framed different designs. Good start to my carrier, I started to believe firmly.
After some days, I logged in to my FB account in which many had sent friend request. I was happy to see them there. I was shocked to see the girl’s request, who had dumped me long back. I checked her profile pictures in hurry. She was the same girl, for whom once I had lost myself. Said Wa! “Negi” I know you died. You should see this man. I was eager to see the relationship status of her, went to the page…system Hanged at the same time. Uh!
“I had to restart my system”. J